Female Aggression

There are a few chapters I want to highlight from this book by Natalie Angier, called Woman An Intimate Geography(1999), but this one was roaring out of me and I’m afraid I could no longer bottle it in before I finish the book. Last night, I had a dream where I was in the bus terminal and I’d just missed my bus, and I was just yelling and yelling profanities for what felt like an hour in dream time (probably 5 hours of sleep time).

The grr in aggression has us all a little on edge, we don’t want to hear about it, we don’t want to think about it, we like to deny that such a thing exists, especially when preceded by female. Oh yes, those dainty ladies who haven’t a streak of anger and frustration in sight. Angier says,

“We scorn the term feminist, roll our eyes at it. We say we’re beyond it, we’re all fine, we’ve fixed all the problems to begin with anyway,. We organize antifeminist groups and give them smart, snappy names with words like freedom and independent in them. We have so much aggression in us, we’re so alive, we’re wild, golden-eyed, and strong, and we take out our pistols and shoot at each other, or at the floor, at our glass-slippered feet.”

She talks about the lack of solidarity among women and groups of women. But hold on, let’s go back a little bit, to individuals, genders, feeling aggression.

Naturally, we all feel aggression at times. It has been a protective reaction (maybe?), either of self or of group. But over the years, all men aside, women have come to release their aggression in interesting ways, when it is socially unacceptable to just plain yell, ROAR.

Anxiety and Depression
Some women point their aggression inward, an intriguing theory of the cause of anxiety and depression in women. This is probably a pretty good argument for Cognitive Reframing therapies, that teach to restructure our thoughts in ways that our less abusive to our psyche in order to feel happier all around.

Passive Aggression
But another way of coping – if you can call it that – is often to point the aggression outward, and since outspoken expressions of aggression are often considered the “bitch” thing to do, many women seem to take the low route, passive aggression. That slow burn of subtle hints that leaves women, even when no passive aggression was intended, wondering if something was meant by a certain gesture, a certain choice of words. I think all genders alike suffer the blows of passive aggression.

Unfortunately, I can’t say that I’ve found a better outlet. In the book it seems a little like either you grow out of it or you try to point your aggression toward activism and solidarity. There are still many arguments to be fought on the grounds of social justice. But is that really for everyone?

So back to where I was, on the topic of solidarity of women, I wonder, are we so insecure of our relationships with other women, men, people that we aren’t able to find better ways of dealing with conflict? Can we all stop pretending that we're not all complicit? An immense hurt is caused by passive aggression, be it on purpose or misunderstood, and given the greater threats against women and women’s health, I think I’ll have to side with Angier on this one, unite!

Book cover from Natalie Angier's website, see it here: http://www.natalieangier.com/